Ethan and I did not get off to a great start in our… well in anything, really.

He thought I was a burglar who’d broken into his penthouse in the middle of the night, I thought he was a sexy serial killer who was there to scary-movie-murder me… you get it.

And that was just the beginning. A teaser if you will. Because a mere seven hours later, the loon slipped an arm around my waist, looked me dead in the face, and called me “sweetheart” in front of his grandmother. With, like, no warning whatsoever.

So obviously, when he made me the insane offer of five hundred thousand dollars just to hold his arm at a few family events and play pretend, I politely declined. Because I’ve always made really good, healthy life choices and have fantastic self-preservation instincts. Especially when it comes to suspiciously attractive, wealthy men I barely know making promises that are way too good to be true.

Oh wait, no I don’t. And I definitely said yes.

But it’s fine. I have this all under control. I’m going to be able to pay off my loans, pay back Peter and Jo, and everything is going to be just fine.